


without you i'm just cold

by purifyinglight



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, F/F, Minor Arkos - Freeform, Minor Renora, Multiple characters are mentioned, Pining, Volume 8, bc it's from yang's perspective, but mainly blake and ruby, they don't actually die but consider it a close call, you can't spell yearning without yang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27879662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purifyinglight/pseuds/purifyinglight
Summary: Her team is stuck out in the tundra, freezing cold with no way of contacting anyone. With nothing left to do but wait for the inevitable, feelings are voiced and confessions are made.Yang doesn't want to let go of what keeps her warm.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long
Comments: 23
Kudos: 133





	without you i'm just cold

**Author's Note:**

> as a big fan of characters having deep conversations while they're supposedly on the brink of death, i couldn't stop thinking about this after watching v8c4. i thought it would be cool to write up my vision for such a scene and get it out there before canon interferes, so that's what this is!

_It’s so cold._

A million thoughts race through Yang’s mind, but that’s the most identifiable and recurring one.

It’s been about three hours since they got to the outpost and perhaps an hour since their auras were fully depleted, having been severely damaged by their earlier fight only to be further drained by the cold.

Yang remembers hearing about how the cold of Solitas can kill a person if they don’t have an aura for protection, and she has to admit that it’s not looking good for them.

It feels like the room is getting chillier by the minute. Her cheeks sting bitterly and she’s finding it increasingly hard to move her fingers and toes. Her legs are tucked into her chest and she has her left arm wrapped around them, having removed her prosthetic a while ago. The incessant throbbing in her limbs is difficult to ignore.

Jaune and Ren are sitting on the floor across from her, each leaning against a wall. They’ve all been relatively quiet for the past hour, each absorbed in their own thoughts and trying to conserve energy.

Yang is surprised that it’s Ren who breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry for bringing up your transcripts. I… I was frustrated. It wasn’t right. I know how hard you’ve had to work to become the huntsman you are today. You deserve that license as much as the rest of us.”

She thinks about how strange his words sound. _License._ They’re only nineteen and they have licenses they wouldn’t normally get for another couple of years. _Nothing_ about this situation is normal. They’re up against a practically immortal being who will stop at nothing to destroy the world they hold dear. They’re in a random room in the middle of the tundra because they got stranded while trying to save their friend from getting taken away by a _talking Grimm_. It’s just _so much_ , and Ren was right—they’re in way over their heads.

Jaune smiles at Ren in what looks like forgiveness, then huddles in on himself, as if trying to find some hidden warmth there. “I still wonder sometimes… about whether Pyrrha would be proud of me. I might be a better fighter than I used to be but look at me now. I couldn’t even save—”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Yang interjects. “We’ve never dealt with anything like that before. We tried our best.” (She has to keep telling herself that.)

“She would be proud of you,” Ren says, and Yang nods in support. “You’ve been a great leader.”

Yang doesn’t miss the tense he uses. Not “you are” but “you have been.” Ren is always careful with his words—that had to be intentional. They’re all too aware of what’s happening right now, but no one is ready to say it outright, not even him.

“Thanks,” Jaune replies meekly. “I… I miss her all the time.”

A pit forms in Yang’s stomach. She misses Pyrrha too, but it’s different for Jaune. She was his partner, and maybe… something more. The idea of losing Blake forever is nothing short of devasting to her, and it pains her to think about her friend having to go through something similar.

Jaune sighs shakily. “I also miss the others. I know they’re still with us, but we—I hope they’re doing better than we are.”

Yang glances down slightly, and catches Ren doing the same at the corner of her eye. She thinks they all know a thing or two about having complicated feelings for your partner.

A harsh gust of wind blows through the house, causing all three of them to shiver violently. They need someone to come to their aid _now_ or there’s no way they’re getting out of this.

“They’re strong,” Yang thinks out loud, more to fill the silence than anything. “And smart. And Ruby… Ruby is a good leader.”

“You’re right,” Jaune says.

Ren nods. “Ruby is an amazing leader. Blake is stealthy and Weiss has a lot of knowledge about how things in Atlas work. Penny has the maiden powers now, and she was very capable even before that. They should be fine.”

Yang and Jaune stare at him, and he stares back, unwilling to acknowledge his glaring omission.

“Nora?” Yang finally asks.

“Oh. Yeah. Nora’s good too.”

His face is already red from the cold, but Yang is pretty sure she sees his cheeks turn a shade darker.

“Ren…” Jaune begins, testing the waters. When Ren does nothing but look off to the side again, he continues. “It’s okay to admit that you miss her. You guys have been together practically all your lives.”

“I…” Ren’s shoulders slump in defeat. “Yes. We have. But now… I don’t know. We’re going through a rough patch.”

“And whose fault is that?” Yang attempts to say light-heartedly, but it comes out strained.

“Probably mine. But she hasn’t exactly made things easy either.”

“Did something happen?” Jaune asks.

“No. Well… she keeps trying to make me… open up.”

Yang would be lying if she said that was surprising. “Can you blame her? I mean, I understand how that would annoy you, but… sometimes you’re not the most… expressive person. And most people like to have some kind of idea about how the people they’re close to are feeling… and how they feel about them.”

She tries not to let her mind wander after saying those last few words, dismissing the images of amber eyes and wavy black hair and a soft smile that try to infiltrate her thoughts.

“Yeah. I know. I just struggle with it.”

“Maybe if you start with small things?” Yang suggests. “It’ll get easier the more you do it.” _Like he’s going to get a chance._

“Right. But I can tell she’s getting impatient. We…” Ren looks up at the ceiling, contemplative.

Another strong wind batters the room, dropping its temperature by at least a couple of degrees. Yang notices that the throbbing in her limbs has settled into a dull ache—at least it’s a little easier to ignore.

Ren sighs unsteadily. “The night of Robyn’s rally, she confronted me about it. She got really frustrated with me. And then she… kissed me.”

“You guys kissed?” Jaune says, shock evident in his voice despite how feeble he sounds.

“Yes. But then… you already know what happened that night. I never got to tell her how I feel. I didn’t want to.” Ren looks down, a shadow crossing his features. “I think I was too scared of getting even more attached only to end up losing her.”

“I… kinda get what you mean.”

The boys turn their heads to face Yang directly, waiting. There’s no backing out now.

“With Blake… we’ve been through a lot together. When she left after the fall of Beacon, it felt like I’d lost a part of myself… which is ironic, considering, y’know… but honestly? Yeah, losing my arm sucked. But Blake being gone was the real kicker. I’d never felt so alone, and I wanted to hate her for leaving. I tried. I tried _so_ hard.”

Her voice trembles as she recalls endless days and nights spent making futile attempts to resent her partner, grasping desperately at that feeling in the hope of making her absence easier to deal with.

“It never worked. Not really. And I got so _frustrated_ because I couldn’t figure out why. And then she came back, and I… everything had changed, but at the same time nothing had. I was just glad she chose to return… to come back to me. I’d missed her too much to be mad anymore, not that I ever really was in the first place. And as we got closer to each other again, it clicked. She… she’s my other half. In every possible way. I think on some level I’ve always known, but with her being away, and then the feeling I got when she was by my side again… there was no denying it.”

If Jaune and Ren are surprised by this revelation, they don’t show it.

“I understand why she ran now, and we’ve put it behind us. That day in Argus, we did something no one should ever have to do, but it was bearable because we were together. _Everything_ is more bearable when she’s with me. I’ve got her back, and she has mine. Except…”

Yang’s eyes well up with tears and she squeezes them shut, but it doesn’t stop a few from escaping. They trickle down her cheeks, warm for just a moment before succumbing to the cold, leaving icy trails in their wake.

“Except for the fact that she’s out there helping to launch Amity, and I’m here, and I’ve failed. I left her. I did the one thing she promised never to do to me again.”

The thoughts that have been quietly eating away at her are choked out in fits and starts, her chest heaving from the pressure of them.

“And I know none of us could’ve seen this coming, and it didn’t feel like a big deal at the time but now…”

She drags her shaking hand up to her face and wipes at her cheek furiously with as much strength as she can muster.

“Now I’m going to die without letting her know how much she means to me.”

“We—we don’t know that,” Jaune cuts in through chattering teeth.

“Jaune,” Ren starts, exhaling shakily. “She’s right.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, taking some time to accept their fate. Like that’s even possible.

Yang pulls her hand away from her face and examines it. It’s unusually pale, tinged with a bluish-gray she’s never seen on her skin before. She thinks of Blake’s warm hands enveloping hers and almost whimpers.

Everything comes back to Blake. Her body is turning into ice and she clings to the thought of her to keep at least some part of her warm. People always tell Yang she’s the sun, and she sort of understands why, but it often feels like she’s the one orbiting Blake—she could be in a room full of people and only be drawn to her. She looks for her in everything she sees.

Something tells her Blake feels the same way about her. She’s had her doubts, but she knows it from the way her eyes soften when they meet hers, the way she laughs at her stupid jokes, the way she buries her head into the crook of her neck and smiles against her skin.

She lies awake in bed at night turning these things over in her head, wondering what they mean, and she always comes to the same conclusion.

She wishes they had the time to explore it.

Yang barely feels the cold anymore, and the pain is gone. She’s just numb.

“This is so unfair,” Jaune says into the vacuum.

Ren shifts slightly, frozen white fingers struggling to find purchase on the ground. “We’re huntsmen. ‘Fair’ was never part of the d-deal.”

He’s right. But none of them signed up for _this_. She’s not going to see her teammates, _her family_ , ever again. It’s fucking cruel.

Yang barely opens her mouth when she replies—speaking takes so much effort. “I just… I hope they’ll be okay. Ruby, Blake, Weiss and the others. They can t-take care of each other. Ruby’s all grown up now. She doesn’t need me anymore.”

“You’re her sister, Yang. I think that no matter how old or experienced she g-gets, she’ll always need you.”

Yang knows Jaune must be thinking about his own sisters. The ones he’ll never see again. It’s jarring—the way you never know when the last time you see someone will be the last time, when the words you say to them will be especially important.

“I wish we hadn’t left things the way we did,” Yang croaks.

Jaune smiles at her weakly in a clear attempt to reassure her. “She’ll understand. She loves you, and she knows you love her.”

Of course Yang loves her. Ruby is her _sister_. They’ve been through everything together.

Yang’s brain starts to fog, and her mind transports her somewhere else. Bright silver eyes dance in Yang’s memory. Ruby’s… no, Summer’s. She recalls sitting still as Summer braided her hair, a baby Ruby crawling around and babbling excitedly. Her eyes meet Summer’s in the mirror, and she thinks to herself now that she’d never have considered silver a warm color had it not been for her mom and her sister.

The image dissipates and a new one takes its place. She’s at home again, but Summer is missing. Her dad is trying his best, but he’s shut himself off emotionally, and Yang has been left to pick up the pieces. She reads Ruby stories and plays all her games and is there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. She’s there when she asks her when mommy is coming back and when she realizes she never will.

One day, Ruby drags her out to the shed, barely able to contain her excitement as she shows her the new weapon she designed and assembled herself. Its complexity far surpasses what would be expected from someone of her age, and it’s all the confirmation Yang needs to know that her sister is destined for great things.

That belief is only reinforced a few years later, when Ruby is fifteen and Yang finds out they’re going to Beacon together. She remembers squeezing Ruby tightly and telling her she was proud of her. No matter how worried she’s been for her safety and regardless of their occasional disagreements since then, she’s never stopped being proud of her, of the leader she’s become and the hero she will be. Yang longs to be able to go back to before they separated and tell her that.

She also longs for something, _someone_ else.

As if reading her mind, Jaune speaks again. “And for what it’s worth… Blake loves you too.”

Amber eyes pierce Yang’s thoughts, and everything gets that much brighter. A flame was ignited the day she met Blake and she hasn’t been able to put it out since. It’s not dangerous, though. It doesn’t scald. Well, maybe it has a couple of times in the past, but never intentionally, and Blake was eventually there to apply the salve. She tried so hard to make up for the ways she hurt Yang, and they’ve both grown from their mistakes. Yang’s love for Blake is a flame—it’s passionate and brilliant and all-consuming. But more than that, it’s cozy and comforting. It’s warmth.

It’s exactly what she needs right now.

She wants nothing more than to be in Blake’s arms, with her holding her close and running her fingers through her hair and telling her that it’s going to be okay, that they’re going to figure out their relationship and win the war and live long and happy lives and grow old together.

But that’s never going to happen, and she’s never going to get to kiss her, or discover just how she likes to be touched, or see the look on her face when she asks her to spend the rest of her life with her (although she wouldn’t put it past Blake to beat her to that—it doesn’t matter anyway, because she’ll never find out).

Everything has been lost.

_I’m sorry, baby. Please forgive me._

Blake has always been the gasoline to Yang’s fire. Her feelings for her light her up and she burns with their intensity, but right now it’s not enough to keep her warm. Her heart is ablaze and it’s fitting, she thinks, that in her final moments her thoughts are of her partner, that the flame she holds for Blake is the last thing to be extinguished by the cold Atlesian air.

Her eyelids are drooping, the time that passes between her blinks increasing, and she feels herself slipping away before it finally happens. “I just… wish I had the chance… to tell her…”

The world turns black.

**Author's Note:**

> don't worry, they're going to be fine (in my version of events at least…)! i just wanted to write the conversation and all the reflections that came with it, so i'm probably going to leave the story here. thank you for reading <3


End file.
